Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I need A shrink!!!

Laziness and procrastination have taken over life. I barely do anything anymore.
Last night I went to bed with a Snickers wrapper curled between my fingers. My mother would so flip out if she knew I’ve been having chocolate for dinner over the last few days. Though I really don’t see how I’ve lost any weight, my mother’s constantly screaming about how I’m merely skin and bones. Oh well. It’s really not my fault. Proper food like most things these days doesn’t just appeal to me.

I wonder if I’m at that stage of teenage life that parents talk about…you know, when they say things like: “Oh teenagers, they’re at that stage …” whatever. I’m just sick and tired of not being into anything or anyone. Everything is just blah. I just can’t bring myself to care these days. I don’t even kno know who I am anymore. Seriously, if someone asked me what kinda girl I was, I would just answer them with a blank stare. I don’t even know if I’m loud, shy, talkative, quiet, crazy, shallow, kind, fun, confident or insecure. If a person could be all, I think I probably would be.

I wonder why it irritates me when I see girls chatting with boys they barely know or celebs on Facebook or twitter. Every time I see something like that I’m always like “Mscheeww. They’ll be chasing boys up and down.” But really they aren’t chasing boys, they’re jus having normal convos. Maybe flirting a little, but really what’s the big deal?? Its not like I don’t talk to any boys on twitter or fb too. I don’t know why I wont just free these girls. It’s probably because I’m too timid to do it sha. Famz is something that I just cant stand. Even though everybody seems t be doing it now, I just cant! It’s probably why I don’t comment on stuff a lot or RT at people on twitter. **Sigh** I need to change mehn. I really don’t like myself right now. If I was a guy, I sooo wont like me. . Oh well. It is what it is.

I don’t know why I have a problem saying hello to people. I guess it still has to do with this famz issue. I just keep thinking what if he/she just shrugs off my greeting like I didn’t matter. Or he’ll feel important. Or why can’t she say hello first. Whereas, some people have no problem at all in yelling people’s names just to wave at them when they turn around. I probably am just scared of rejection.

That’s probably also why I don’t tag people in notes and pictures and stuff. I’m always like I don’t want him/her to feel like they’re sooo important. And I fear that none of the people I tag would even be interested in what I tag them in or what if they un-tag themselves. I know this may seem like I don’t know my so-called friends well. The thing is I don’t even know if I should call a lot of people my friends. I only have a handful of people I can really and truly call my friends. Another thing is that I think some people I regard as people I just talk to actually regard me as their friends. I don’t even know what friendship is about anymore.

i serzly detest myself of my bestest guy frends just called me nw...havnt spoken to him in lyk a year?? tlk 2 him online nd stuff tho...he sha jus cald me nd i dint hav nefn 2 sae to him!! asin afta all the 'inbox me ur numba fast!' and the 'we're so gonna rock ths hols', he calls me and we hav nothing to say! i cld so break my fone ryt nw!!! argh!!!


sweetness said...

Haha u need a shrink?
nAH am just kidding
those r normal thots in ur head
I understand how normal food might not appeal to you, same here
but just for a while though
twitter n normal convos i feel that way sometimes

but lifes funny so enjoy the ride!

a hopelessly clueless teenage gurl.. said...

Normal thots?? u sure?? ok oh...imma try to enjoy it more...thanx tho!

theicequeen said...

When you find your shrink, sign me up for advanced sessions..because unlike you, i'm even too angry at myself for having these exact thoughts to put them out there so thank you for doing it for me ^_^ !!

I totally relate...but the good news is that these feelings are temporary, just phases that pop up once in a just have to live through the blahness and occasionally make an effort to do some "fun" thing that the thought of makes you nauseaous..often times, you'll be very pleasantly surprised..then resolve never to do it again :D

*lovelessmimi* said...

omg....the same thing happens to me, one of my friends was like i dont talk to anybody in church and that i jes walk straight, and i was like i cant just walk up to someone and strt tlkin 2 d person..he/she will just be like "why is this one talking to me?"(in thier head) i dont just see the point..and then i hate it when i see sum1 i havnt seen in a long time and then there are these really wierd akward silences...

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